Daily Beef: Drive Thru Trauma

Window Guy: <yells at unseen person> DOUBLE flph freebenborgken PICKLES froobelbring MUSTARD KETCHUP LETTUCE. Nobben flarben bonng. DOUBLE. flaggen borg DOUBLE <to me> just one minute.

Me: Uh huh.

Stonekettle Station

I am the easiest person to please at a drive through, in the general sense. When I can, I pick things on the menu that I will eat as made in the picture on the menu board. Since I have developed lactose intolerance my family has begged (begged!) me to stop eating sandwiches with cheese on them. At the same time that this happened, all the fast food restaurants have started putting cheese on everything. McDonalds even adds their plastic American cheese to the Filet-O-Fish now.

American Cheese. Any kind of cheese on a fish sandwich is a very bad idea, but plastic American cheese food product substitute really makes the fish sandwich taste even worse. Which is hard to imagine.

So I have had to start insisting that my food not have cheese on it, and then making sure that the cheese actually isn’t on it. The Wife has a nightshade allergy, so when they put tomatoes on her sandwiches the situation is a bit more dire for her than it is for me, but the people stuck in the car with me when I eat cheese would vehemently disagree about the relative level of harm. But I get it, cheese isn’t deadly to me.

Still, you’d think they’d have figured this out by now. I mean, we go to the same McDonald’s pretty much every time. The same McDonald’s, Wendy’s Sonic, whatever; and every time, they act like the request to not kill the Wife or poison the air in my vehicle is some kind of surprise

That and the tea thing. In the South, I get it, we like a little tea with our sugar. But everywhere else in the world default tea is just tea leaves steeped in water. Sometimes hot, sometimes cold, not presweetened. Why these places insist on killing my kidneys with their tea-flavored Karo syrup is beyond me. I think it’s a conspiracy. The transplant surgeons pay restaurants to sweeten us all into sugar comas so that they can do liver and kidney transplants on us when our organs fail.

Never fails though. Tomatoes on her food, cheese on mine, sugar in the tea. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Might as well go in and make it ourselves, it would save time.

Author: RAnthony

I'm a freethinking, unapologetic liberal. I'm a former CAD guru with an architectural fetish. I'm a happily married father. I'm also a disabled Meniere's sufferer.

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